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This Is Perimenopause
Menopause isn’t the end, it’s just the beginning. Hosts Michelle and Mikelle are on a mission to help others be better informed than they were when they started their perimenopause journeys. The podcast is a blend of health, education, mindset, and personal growth. Michelle and Mikelle along with their guests are sharing real-life stories and expert advice to help you navigate perimenopause, menopause and beyond.
This Is Perimenopause
Therapy: An Important Tool In Your Perimenopausal Toolkit with Stefanie Peachey
Mikelle recently sat down with Stefanie Peachey, owner of Peachey Counselling to talk about the unique life challenges women face and why seeking professional help is not only okay, it’s really important. In some age groups, the proportion of women with a diagnosed mood disorder is almost twice that of men.
Women often experience significant stress balancing their multiple roles and when you add in hormonal changes, things can get overwhelming. And the all-too-common tactic of ‘just getting through it’ can be dangerous. Having a therapist help you understand and navigate this life phase can be life changing.
In this episode you’ll discover:
- Why a therapist can be a very important tool in your perimenopausal toolkit
- How anxiety can distort reality and requires cognitive reframing to manage effectively
- Why building a support system is crucial for navigating life's challenges
- Why therapy is a valuable resource for anyone, not just those in crisis
Regardless of your struggle, recognizing that you’re not alone and how and when to seek help, are universal first steps that every woman needs, and deserves, to understand.
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We avoid crazy and we avoid normal. However, I think that's a word that comes to mind for so many women during some of these transitions of I don't really know what's happening, but I feel crazy, I don't feel like myself, I feel off. I'm not pinpointing it, but there's something going on that I can't quite figure out here and they need that support. And I think perimenopause is something and of course, you know more about this than I do, I'm sure but is just really starting to be talked about. And that's validating to say, hey, it's not just a matter of you go from your childbearing years to menopause. There's this whole weird transition that we need to talk about and normalize for women.
Mikelle:Welcome to. This is Perimenopause, the podcast where we delve into the transformative journey of perimenopause and beyond. I'm one of your hosts, Michele.
Michelle:And I'm your other host, Michelle, and we know firsthand how confusing, overwhelming and downright lonely this phase of life can be.
Mikelle:Join us as we share real-life stories and expert advice to help you navigate this journey and advocate for your best health.
Michelle:We used to think menopause signaled an end, but really it's just the beginning.
Mikelle:I recently sat down with the founder of Peachy Counseling, stephanie Peachy, to talk about how therapy is an important tool in anyone's toolkit, especially in perimenopause. When we first checked out the Peachy Counseling website, we were delighted to find that they list counseling for women as a specific offering. Why? Because Stephanie and her team understand that women can face unique mental health challenges that are specific to the female experience, from the economic, political and social forces that can influence women's mental health and their access to care, to the homeowner chaos brought on during various reproductive phases like perimenopause. The Peachy Counseling team is helping women connect the dots, allowing them to normalize, asking for help, learn new strategies to manage and undertake change and thrive in all of life's stages. Stephanie welcome.
Stefanie:Thank you for having me.
Mikelle:So delighted to have you today. I am flying solo today. Michelle is off being a super wife, super mom, super daughter-in-law, all the things, so it would just be you and I. I'm really looking forward to this conversation.
Stefanie:My pleasure.
Mikelle:Let's start with you telling us about how you became a registered social worker and an accredited family mediator.
Stefanie:So I thought a lot about this in terms of how to answer, how I got to this place, and it's certainly been an evolution for me. So way back when in high school I enrolled in a course that was sociology and psychology based and I thought this is where I want to be. It just it spoke to me in such a different way and my interest in behavior and relationships, and so that really sparked my journey moving forward. And I then went to the University of Waterloo and I did my undergrad degree in psychology with a specialization in legal studies, and from there I started working and quickly realized there's not a lot, unfortunately, that you can do with a BA in psychology. It was wonderful learning experience. I got a lot of information, but the applicability of it becomes difficult because you need to have higher education to provide some counseling services.
Stefanie:So after some time doing a little bit of work in the field, but peripherally, I went and did my master's of social work at the University of Toronto, and that is just opened so many doors for me that with that degree you can do a lot of different work and my mind went to counseling.
Stefanie:From there I had a wonderful placement. I was exposed to intimate partner violence from a professional perspective, where I was able to work with men and with women and children for that matter around their experiences whether as perpetrators, as survivors being exposed to it, and that just really kicked off career opportunities that I just kept looking for around that area. From there I'm now doing my doctorate. I've sort of learned that I'm a lifelong learner and I think that there's a lot of responsibility in doing this work to have the tools and knowledge to be able to support people appropriately. So it just sort of kept growing.
Stefanie:The accredited family mediator designation that I have that was an additional program that I did because in my separation and divorce work, which we can talk about a little bit later families are in a lot of conflict, there's a lot of dynamics and mediation is a lovely alternative to going to court and helping to resolve conflict in a way that parents still remain in control. So my focus there is primarily on parenting plans and supporting children in what their future looks like after their parents have separated, that's amazing.
Mikelle:Is that an easy thing to find someone who provides that service? I get the sense that that's probably not widespread.
Stefanie:Yeah, so there are a lot of family lawyers that are also trained mediators and they are able to mediate an entire separation, which is fabulous. In the area that I'm in, I have found that more and more lawyers are now starting to refer out those parenting pieces and I think it's becoming more commonplace is my understanding at least and again, I'm lucky to be in a community the Halton Hamilton area where this has become a much more common practice. So it is really beneficial, I think, for to look for different parts of the separation to be dealt with by somebody who really has that expertise and is able to support parents. So certainly it is available. I know certainly in Ontario there are quite a few of us, but it is a little bit niche in terms of making sure you're finding the right person who has that right training and experience.
Mikelle:Going through your website, I also am seeing elements of this approach that I'm calling novel, and I understand that there are other people doing it, but I think it's the you know, as you're talking about separation and divorce, and how fabulous would it be or is it to have someone with a background in counseling or with expertise in counseling to support individuals through it, as opposed to the legal aspects of what's happening. And maybe you could talk a little bit about PC counseling and how that started and how it's evolved and why I'm seeing something different, even though I've not even participated in a session with anyone, but I think you've got a bit of a unique approach.
Stefanie:Thank you, I appreciate that. Yes, I'm so proud of our website and I do have support with it. Of course, I'm not necessarily a tech person, but yes, in creating our website, it certainly was a goal to provide information that people are able to access, but also give a sense of this is a safe space. That is a phrase that we use very often. We want clients to feel like their emotional safety is the number one goal of stepping into our office space. The practice itself started again, similarly to my education and my experience slow steps moving forward. It was very scary when I stepped into private practice and I was very mindful of making sure that I had a lot of experience. First. I was not a business-minded person, so that took some time to learn all of those pieces, but I initially went into private practice on my own in 2017, had an office to myself and found that I was full quite quickly. I was, I think, maybe lucky to a degree, but I thought you know what I have something here that clients are wanting to come and speak with me, and over time, I thought you know what it'd be really great to add to this team, and so I had a wonderful colleague and friend who I had him come on. I got a bigger space and it's just kept growing because I realized one eye alone couldn't meet the demand. But also it's very nice to have a team of therapists that when clients call in we can really select who's going to be the right fit for you, who has that area of specialization, or perhaps there's a personality that we think you're going to match well with. And it just kept growing and I think sometimes I'm in shock of how big it's gotten because it's it's been done very intentionally and step by step, to the point that we now have two physical locations. We have about 18 to 20 therapists and then those specialized services, something that we've really grown and developed our team around. The specialized services are interesting and this is certainly very niche in terms of the number of practices that offer these and I'll speak very frankly about it is separation.
Stefanie:Divorce is an area that a lot of therapists whether it be social workers, psychotherapists simply don't want to jump into because there is a different pressure and conflict that comes with this and our roles are very different depending on the service we're offering.
Stefanie:So there's a lot of pressure that comes with it. There is a lot of stress that comes with it. We're working with some very high conflict families that are in the court system, and so our role isn't always necessarily therapeutic, in that sometimes we're making recommendations or we're providing information that parents don't love or disagree with, and so it is a challenge, because it challenges, I think, as therapists, our desire to support clients. But the heart of it for me is we are supporting the children of these parents, whether it be through mediation, voice of the child reports, the collaborative law process and parenting plan evaluations, which are probably the trickiest to do. We're called to testify in court. There's a lot of stressors that come with it, but at the heart of it, I do like to believe that we can still have that therapeutic approach and try our best to engage parents in understanding how they can best support their children.
Mikelle:Amazing Such great context and information. Perimenopause is a phase of life that's about a lot of things, um, sadly often, the breakdown of relationships are part of it, which adds to, you know, the physical and chaos in your body and the mental health chaos that's going on. Um, we're going to have you back on because we want to delve deeply into the other part of your specialized services, which is intimate partner and family violence, because it's, uh, a important and, I think, something that needs awareness and better understanding. Right, I think people have biases or a lack of awareness about what that'll entail, so we'll have you back on.
Mikelle:I'd really like to delve in today a little bit about your therapeutic services, particularly for women in the perimenopausal phase, where the chaos of the peak apex of life stress meets changing hormones, and I was really struck on your website, another thing that I was very intrigued by and interested in you have a variety of therapeutic modalities to address all of these different things that happen in life. Life gets messy, but specifically you have counseling for men listed and counseling for women. Can you tell us about why?
Stefanie:Yes, I think that it's an important question that we do get asked sometimes, and it's not to say that there's a major difference between therapy for men and therapy for women sometimes, and it's not to say that there's a major difference between therapy for men and therapy for women. The idea really behind that was to engage men in a different sort of way. We serve many men and sometimes I've even been surprised of how many men are clients of the practice, which is so nice to see. But I think for men there still exists that stigma and this relates to the intimate partner violence that we'll speak about at another time but the masculinity, the societal pressure of what it means to be a man right, some people still are under that belief of you know, you run the household and you manage all the things and you don't take time to cry, you toughen up, right.
Stefanie:I don't believe in therapy. I don't believe in therapy. That's for weak people, and so the idea of putting that specifically on the website was to speak specifically to men, to say this is a service that you can absolutely benefit from and trying to normalize it and having them feel like we are, you know, putting this information out there. That's going to speak more specifically to them and trying to, I guess, debunk that idea that therapy is for women, therapy is for just really emotional people, and to say, men, you also have challenges in life that are okay to talk about. So really that engagement piece is critical and I think sometimes by you know, seeing yourself to a degree on a website and being able to say, okay, maybe they get it a little bit more, can help ease that first phone call or email to say I think I'd like to speak to somebody.
Mikelle:I think you also have in the context of therapeutic services for women, when you're listing all of the potential triggers for mental illness or challenges. I was impressed at how in-depth that was just even on. You know a website which is an introduction right, and you talk about hormonal changes right, which can happen at any time, but specifically during perimenopause and through menopause. Maybe you can tell us a little bit about that approach through menopause.
Stefanie:Maybe you can tell us a little bit about that approach.
Stefanie:Sure, I think it's very important that we are mindful that those born biologically as women do have different experiences, and certainly in terms of day-to-day life and accessibility and work. We certainly promote the equality, obviously, obviously, of men and women, but we do also have to be mindful in terms of of physical health and mental health. There are differences between, again, people who are biologically born female, and this is, I think, an important thing again that we're pulling out to say hey, potential clients, this is on our radar. We recognize that there are transitions in life, there are things that happen to you that we will bring into the therapy session as well and have at least some knowledge around to be able to speak to it. And so, again, I think that piece of being able to see yourself or your concerns listed as something that's on a service provider's radar can ease some of that concern of will they understand me, will they appreciate where I'm coming from or will I be dismissed, and I think that validation can be absolutely critical when starting the process of therapy.
Mikelle:Oh, absolutely. I think there's probably not a medication as powerful as someone saying yeah, I hear what you're saying and it's real and you're not crazy. I don't know. I don't know if we should be using the word crazy. Therapists don't like the word crazy. I don't think.
Stefanie:We avoid crazy and we avoid normal and we avoid normal. However, I think that's a word that comes to mind for so many women during some of these transitions of I don't really know what's happening, but I feel crazy, I don't feel like myself, I feel off. I'm not pinpointing it, but there's something going on that I can't quite figure out here and they need that support. And I think perimenopause is something and of course, you know more about this than I do, I'm sure, but is just really starting to be talked about. And that's validating to say, hey, it's not just a matter of you go from your childbearing years to menopause. There's this whole weird transition that we need to talk about and normalize for women.
Mikelle:Yeah, yeah, are there? Are there common things? You see, you know, in addition to I? Just I don't know what's wrong. Are there common symptoms? Are there common? And I, I'm in particular thinking about you have a quote on your site. You say in some age groups, the proportion of women with a diagnosed mood disorder was almost twice that of men, and I would suspect that this is one of those age groups. Is that? Do you know? If that's true, Absolutely.
Stefanie:Yeah, yeah, this, this age group where you potentially are experiencing perimenopause, is at a much greater risk of depression and anxiety. A lot of the women that come into our practice may come in for those pieces without connecting that there may be something hormonally happening for me and again, we're not medical doctors, so we're very mindful of what our role is. But to introduce the idea of physical changes and starting to connect the dots a little bit to say, yes, we absolutely want to work on that mental health piece, let's talk about the depression, let's talk about the anxiety, let's talk about life, because there's so much. This is also an age group where I'm in this age group myself. It is busy and there is a lot happening and you know, as women start to have children later in life, a lot of women are starting to go through this. Still, with having younger children.
Stefanie:I've spoken also about the sandwich generation of then having elderly parents. This is exactly my life, that I, you know, starting to put together some of these pieces in and saying this isn't necessarily a you problem in the sense of you're failing or you're not managing. It's really saying like you are at the center of all of these things that are happening. Let's find some coping, coping strategies and then also maybe have a chat with your doctor or your ob gyn to say, hey, what is it that's happening here for me?
Mikelle:and trying to understand that a little bit better can be very helpful, right and I think you're talking about something very, very important, and that is there is no one thing that's going to alleviate what's going on in perimenopause. Right, if you're struggling in this phase, you need a toolkit to be able to get yourself back on track, and it's for a variety of reasons, including the fact that you've probably neglected yourself and not even thought about your own well-being forever. Yes, in particular, right, your mental health, right. We just sort of grit and keep going and at some point, it's just not sustainable anymore. I might be talking from personal experience here.
Stefanie:I was going to say. It's almost like you're reading my personal bio as you're going through this. It is. It's so relatable. I'm 41 years old, I have four children, I have a big career, I'm in school, I have a wonderful partner and he does a lot, and then throw two dogs into that, oh my God. And my point being it's so much to manage and it is bizarre for myself. I spent my entire 30s having children. I had my first at 30 and my last at 39 and a half, and so it's a very challenging time where we've got rep, hockey and dance and gymnastics and daycare still, and suddenly my childbearing years will come to a hard close. And now I have friends that are starting to say hey, I'm having these weird physical changes, do you think this could be perimenopause? And it's a lot.
Mikelle:Yep, it is a lot, it is a lot. So you're you kind of hit perimenopause, probably already running close to empty because you've got so much on the go, and then suddenly you're not sleeping, and then suddenly it's ridiculously painful to have sex, or suddenly you want, you start fantasizing about what it would be like if your partner happened to no longer be in the house. Yes, kidding, kidding, yes, but right, and it's would be like if your partner happened to no longer be in the house. Yes, kidding, kidding, yes, but right, and it it's, it's um crazy, because you don't even have time to stop and think about what might be going on and connect the dots, right absolutely.
Stefanie:You just, you just keep going. And I think you know for so many women in the society we live in, there's so much pressure that's on us that we just keep going and there's no break. You touched on self-care, which I think is so critical. Um, and there's, you know. I think there can be a grieving process. I know for me. I'm certainly done having children. I've got four. It is a full house.
Stefanie:But there is a part of me that goes, wow, that door is closed now, that part of my life is over, which a part of me celebrates because I could not handle anymore. But another part of me says, wow, I'm really moving into this different phase of life. And that's where I think it's very important that women consider where is the control piece around that? And how do you build in some self-care in knowing your life is going to continue to be chaotic, but self-care from all angles. That is less about vanity.
Stefanie:You know, when I know, when I was in my twenties, I want to work out because I want to look nice. Now I'm working out because I've got to make sure I have a strong body and that obviously has so many ripple effects to many things. Therapy is the same way, it can be a nice touch base to say how are you doing, what strategies do we need to put in place? How else do we grow this toolbox for you as you're going through some of these changes? And it's such an interesting time in women's lives that I think does need that time and attention that it probably doesn't get.
Mikelle:Yeah, I. I'm wondering if you could share. I'm guessing, by the time people are sitting in front of you, they're, they're bottomed out, they're probably. I mean, maybe, maybe not, but maybe for those people who are listening, who are thinking, yeah, self-care, ha ha, when the hell am I going to fit that into my day? How do you? How do you? How do you coach? How do you speak with your clients who are like, well, that sounds great, but I have four kids and getting my PhD and have two dogs and I run a thriving business?
Stefanie:And I think that is the biggest thing, and I I have been historically one of those people as well that said like not a chance, there's absolutely no time. And I think it's really delving into what are the benefits of making the time to take care of yourself, without it being as simple. You just need to do this because when people are told what to do, sometimes we get our defenses up and say you don't know my life, don't direct me. But speaking to women about what would the benefits be of making time for some of these things and reframing the idea of self-care that it's not, it's. You know, we have these ideas that you should take a spa weekend, you should take a day off and get your hair done, you should do all these big things, but self-care sometimes is about on your drive listening to a podcast that you very much enjoy, playing that music that your kids hate, but you want to rock out to taking a lunch break, which I'm guilty of not doing very often.
Stefanie:No-transcript. But for me it was saying I'm never going to do it in the morning because I got four kids to get off to work or to school, and in the evening I've got hockey and dance and childcare and two-year-old goes to sleep at 7.30. And by the time it's all wrapped up it's 9.30, and I'm done. So figuring out realistically where can you build in that time and then really pulling the benefits from it. I think that's such a key piece because cognitively we have to have buy-in.
Mikelle:Yeah, I think for me it was the realization. Oh, I took 45 minutes to go for a walk, which is quite a luxury these days, but I took that time. But now I'm refreshed and, if I'm being honest with myself, I was so much more productive after that walk, right, because what I was able to accomplish in 20 minutes probably would have taken me 45 had I not gone for the walk. But it's really hard to, it's really hard to get there. So baby steps like that, yeah, I mean so many women that come into the practice and I'm not.
Stefanie:I'm not for the walk, but it's really hard to. It's really hard to get there. So baby steps like that, yeah, I mean so many women that come into the practice and I'm looking over where I have my couches and chair, where I meet with women are so drained that the idea of adding in something else feels impossible. But you're right, it is. How many women are running from an empty cup? And we can't always rely on others to fill our cup. And that cup is energy, it's confidence, it's clear thinking, it's motivation.
Stefanie:And without filling that cup whether it be, you know, getting proper sleep, which I know certainly is challenging, um, healthcare checkups, um, some form of exercise. And I don't mean you've got to be in the gym five days a week lifting weights for two hours, because that's not realistic. But, just as you said, sometimes what I'll say to a client is your homework is to go for a 20 minute walk to listen to music. But the biggest piece of that is to really tune into how you feel afterwards, Because, again, that's the motivation that is going to have somebody go for that next walk to say you know what that actually felt really good and I needed that more than I realized and Gage how? How much did it fill your cup? Did it help you with those next steps that I think?
Mikelle:it's so simple, yet so important and so not done. You mentioned the, but the most important part of that 20 minute walk was how you feel afterwards. I was working out on the weekend and I was able to do three sets of walking lunges without my knees hurting, which is the first time ever in my life, ever, ever, ever. And I was like, oh cool, and I was working with a trainer at the time. I was like, oh cool, and I was about to move on and I was like, wait a minute, mikkel, take a moment. You spent the summer doing, you know. And I was like, wait a minute, mikkel, take a moment. You spent the summer doing, you know.
Mikelle:And I structured 20 minute workouts at the beginning of the summer with this particular trainer, because I knew long workouts were not going to be an option and I wasn't perfect, but I was consistent because I made it manageable and fit with my schedule and I was about to move on from the lunges and not even take a moment, not just to recognize. You know how I feel because of the exercise order. But oh yeah, I made this work, I put the time in and it paid off. Hey, this is a great. Anyway, I digress, but I think that that is such a simple piece that women in particularly in particular sorry, really miss. Okay, I've done that for myself.
Mikelle:Okay, how do I feel? Yes, or I did that for myself and, oh, think about all the benefits that happen. Yes, because I took time out for myself.
Stefanie:And I think the reality too is in our lives and for those with kids, or without kids for that matter. But the to-do list feels never ending, and so I think sometimes that cognitive piece of self-care is selfish, which we absolutely have to destroy. But the idea of celebrating the wins is so critical because, again, it not only leads to doing this more often, but reminding women that you have to have a good relationship with yourself. It's critical that lunges are difficult. I will give you that.
Stefanie:My goal is 10 pushups, and I picture myself as you were saying that that day that I do 10 pushups, I need to take that moment, as opposed to saying, well, that's great, but I still can't do a chin up, but I still shouldn't have taken this time because I could have got that work done and now I'm behind that. There's always the next thing, but we've got to stay in tune with our goals as individuals that are outside of this family system, this work environment, and say what is it that's important to me as a still whole person that just happens to be somebody that a lot of people rely on.
Stefanie:Yeah, so basically, most of us need therapy, just by very nature of the fact that we are women, more than biologically as women, and have this notion that everybody else is always needs to be more important than we are I, obviously, given what I do, I'm a big believer in therapy be more important than we are. I obviously, given what I do, I'm a big believer in therapy. I'm a therapist and I have a therapist, because we need that sometimes just somebody else to point things out to us, somebody to frame things for us, help us look at things in a different way. And therapy, I think, is becoming there's much less stigma around therapy now, but I do think that there is still that worry that I have to be at a point where I'm really messed up or really unable to cope, that then I access support and you mentioned that before is people probably come into my office and are really broken down and that does happen quite often.
Stefanie:But I do have clients that I've seen for years and we do a once a month. How are you doing? Let's strengthen up those tools and it just becomes a part of their health routine. You know we have to take care of our minds and especially, you know, when we think about perimenopause, there are so many physical changes, but this is a time that that mind body connection is very prominent Because, again, your, your hormones are changing, you're having difficulty sleeping, you're more prone to depression, mood changes these are all things that, yes, we want you absolutely to see your doctor. A lot of people access naturopaths for support. But also, how do we make that connection to make sure that, mentally, you're doing as well as you can be?
Mikelle:be. You're sparking me to think about. I have written down here a quote also from your fantastic website Mental health factors can increase the risk of developing physical problems such as diabetes, heart disease and significant weight gain loss. Right, that mind-body connection is much bigger, much real, more real than we think or realize. Yes, and how, how your mental health is can impact your physical health, not just from a fatigue perspective, but from a disease perspective, that's huge.
Stefanie:It is huge, it is, yeah, it's.
Stefanie:It's very important and and admittedly, my expertise is not necessarily in some of the biological pieces, but with that said, there are, I mean, things like depression and anxiety. We have to find coping strategies, and very often those coping strategies aren't positive ones. So we think about that trickle effect, and for some people it may be substance use, for others it's overeating, for others it's undereating, eating, isolation and not moving your body, and all of these things, of course, contribute to your physical health, and so being mindful of that trickle effect and how everything is interacting is really important to pay attention to, because it's it's never just one area, and and I'm mindful of that because I don't want to put pressure on any anyone listening to say you've got to tackle everything, but just starting to think about for yourself what is my day-to-day like, how am I feeling, what's my energy like, what are some symptoms that maybe I'm experiencing, and how do I tune into these in a way that I can start to consider making change or at least noticing them, to start to have conversations.
Mikelle:Are there some go-to moves or things that you recommend for women who are perimenopausal and the anxiety is perhaps new and never before experienced or, which is more common, has come back, usually with a vengeance, and I know from some of the medical professionals we've had on that that anxiety doesn't respond to what used to work when you were managing your anxiety in this perimenopausal phase. So I'm just wondering if there's some specific things that you might recommend or that you find work well for your patients.
Stefanie:Oftentimes anxiety is feeling there is a lack of control, or having worries about situations or outcomes. And so, for anxiety, a couple pieces and I'm not a psychiatrist. We don't provide a diagnosis. We don't, um, obviously, prescribe medication. That said, I think that clients, if, if anxiety is impacting your life in a way that it is, you know, really changing your mentality and your day-to-day functioning, a conversation with your doctor about medication can be very helpful. I've seen so many clients start anxiety medication and it's been life-changing for them of just slowing things down to a place that they're able to manage things in therapy. So often they can go hand in hand where I'll say to clients it slows down that wheel enough that we can really do some focused work that then will help improve it. So I think removing that stigma around medication is critical In terms of for therapy. I think you know, for anxiety, a lot of cognitive behavioral interventions are what's very valuable.
Stefanie:Because we have such busy lives, we're not always great at monitoring our thinking and understanding our belief system. So, ultimately, how are we taking in information from the world? What lens are we viewing it through? And then how are we categorizing it in a way that's leading us to conclusions. Ultimately, anxiety lies to you. Anxiety tells you that you're unliked, you're not worthy, you've made mistakes and people are forever judging you. You are never going to accomplish things. So it's a bunch of lies that we really have to tune into to say let's talk about the proof of that, let's talk about what's in your control, that we can avoid some of those and also reframe some of those.
Stefanie:We call them cognitive distortions of you know all or nothing, thinking right, if I don't do this, I'm a total failure. Are you a total failure? Right? Let's really talk about that. How is that being framed in a way that's keeping you in this place of then not either acting or feeling very worried about it and so helping to really sort through some of that thought process, but having women learn strategies that then they're able to tune into their thought process and say what is it that I'm saying to myself? You know, when I wake up in the morning, what are my thoughts? Is it? Are they all negative? Are they positive? Are they uplifting? And really starting to tune into that, to then make the connection around how is that changing your behavior and how is that also changing your mood? So these are some very basic, like cognitive behavioral therapy strategies that can be very impactful for anxiety and for depression, to start to understand that process that's happening for you, that's keeping you in this space.
Mikelle:There is sometimes, I think, no greater evil than the evil that lives inside each of our heads, right? We are so cruel to ourselves for the most part, or a lot of people, a lot of people are. We just had Amy Schoenthal on the podcast, who wrote the Setback Cycle, and one of the chapters is name the asshole in your head, and that keeps resonating for me as you're talking about this. It's so true, and that keeps resonating for me as you're talking about this. It's so true. We just are not very good at being kind to ourselves or giving ourselves any kind of grace or empathy.
Stefanie:No, and I think, especially in this time period again, I think so much about myself being 41 and having my set family and moving forward and saying so. Who am I again in all of this? Who is Stephanie outside of everybody's mother and partner and, you know, supervisor and business owner? Who actually am I? And really starting to ultimately get to know myself again, to ultimately get to know myself again Now in this 41 year old body that's birthed four children and, you know, been through a lot, and really saying, you know, how am I viewing the world Almost like an introduction to yourself again and saying, you know, what are the next steps, what are my personal goals?
Stefanie:Who am I? How am I taking in information from the world and really starting to evaluate yourself to a degree in a positive way of saying what are the things that are going really well? Where are the areas that I want to give some time and attention to? Perhaps minimal, but still is really really paying attention to who you are again and what you want for yourself are again and what you want for yourself.
Mikelle:Yeah, amazing, if, if we could all just step back on a regular basis and practice just what you just said, right, um, we'd all be so much better off. What's the one thing you want every woman to know about perimenopause?
Stefanie:I think it's just really important for women to know that you don't have to battle these pieces by yourself If you're not feeling like yourself, if you're having I'm sure many women having stressors in life, whether it be work, children, partners, extended family Again, this age group, it's tricky, we have young kids and aging parents all at the same time is reach out for support. I think it's so critical in therapy. Some people still say you know, I don't want to pay somebody to be my friend, or I don't want to pay somebody to listen to me, and that's absolutely not what therapy is. You're coming in and getting a service and it's what we give to you. That's the service.
Stefanie:Coming from our expertise and so many women have said this has been helpful I'm going to put these strategies in place and we really work from a client-centered perspective where, yes, we have our strategies and tools and therapeutic approaches, but we're really looking at that individual sitting in front of us and saying what is it that you need? What would make your life better or easier or feel more in control? And let's work from that perspective. So know that you're not alone, know that you're certainly not crazy Although obviously we don't use that word too much, but there are challenges at every phase in life, and this phase of again childbearing, ending, ending, moving into perimenopause there's changes that come along with that and you don't have to deal with them by yourself amazing um stephanie.
Mikelle:Where can our listeners find you?
Stefanie:so, as you mentioned, our website is a very good place to start, so it's peachycounselingca. We also have an instagram where we post a lot of information, certainly about our services, but information in general. So it's at Peachy Counseling. We have two office locations in Ontario we're in Burlington and we are in Oakville, but we also service clients online across Ontario, so every one of our therapists is licensed to work specifically in Ontario. So anywhere that you are within Ontario, you're able to access our services.
Mikelle:And for our listeners who are now very, very sad that they don't live in Ontario and can't access your services. I know you have one course offering, I think, and maybe some other course offerings that are coming. Is that right?
Stefanie:Yes, we do so at the practice.
Stefanie:We do so at the practice.
Stefanie:We do a lot of different things, but one of the courses that I created with a colleague of mine is Kids First Co-Parenting, and it's a self-paced course that anybody is able to access.
Stefanie:That, again, is through our website that teaches parents a lot of the very important pieces around supporting your children through your own separation and divorce from how to have that initial conversation with them to talk about what parenting plans are, what behaviors or emotions to look for in your children that might be age expected, and also for parents themselves of how to manage their experience going through this, because it's difficult for everybody involved. Further, we have it's called Healthy at Work, which is our workplace mental health program that we provide specific services to workplaces around mental health to help develop culture and awareness, and we are building courses for that currently. So teaching health practitioners about trauma-informed practices will be out shortly. A general mental health program around giving individuals the skills to de-escalate situations, to navigate mental health concerns and have conversations, and also training specifically for supervisors for how to have conversations with those that they're supervising around mental health in a way that's respectful and private ultimately, so that they're able to support employees and have difficult conversations.
Mikelle:That's fantastic. So I have one more question Do you sleep?
Stefanie:You know what I have to say. So many people ask me that which makes me laugh, but sleep is one thing that I am absolutely unwilling to negotiate. Laugh, but sleep is one thing that I am absolutely unwilling to negotiate. So for me, that is a self-care strategy that I will absolutely not let go of, because I know myself well enough to know I will not function if I don't sleep. So, yes, I am an early in bed and early up kind of person, but in between, every single moment is filled and booked excellent excellent.
Mikelle:And if ever that changes and you find yourself waking up at 2 am like you've been plugged into an electrical socket and you don't know why, I'm your girl I give you all the info. I direct you to all the right expertise for how to manage that amazing.
Stefanie:Yes, I really sincerely hope that my sleep is not interrupted when the time comes, because that would derail me.
Mikelle:I hope so too, because we need you. We need you to keep doing all of this great work and continue with building this great team that you have so, so important. Thank you for being on the show today.
Stefanie:My pleasure. Thanks for having me and we look forward to having you back. Yes, it'll be great.
Michelle:Thanks so much for listening to the show. If you like what you hear, please take a moment to rate and subscribe to our podcast. When you do this, it helps to raise our podcast profile so more women can find us and get a little better understanding of what to expect in perimenopause.
Mikelle:We also read all the reviews the good, the bad and the ugly, to help us continuously improve our show. We would love to hear from you. You can connect with us through the podcast, on social media or through our website. Our information, as well as links and details from our conversation today, can be found in the show notes. This podcast is for general information only. It's designed to educate, inspire and support you on your personal journey through perimenopause. The information and opinions on this podcast are not intended to be a substitution for primary care diagnosis or treatment. The information on this podcast does not replace professional healthcare advice. The use of the information discussed is at the sole discretion of the listener. If you are suffering from symptoms or have questions, please consult a qualified healthcare practitioner.
